New ideas!

I SOSOSOSO killed it yesterday in the gym. I did something new for my chest which was doing 11 bench press sets; pyramiding up and then dropsetting the last 5 sets. I started with 100lbs and by the last set I could BARELY finish 15 reps using just the bar. I mean I had to have my spotter pick the bar up off of my chest.. That's how bad it was. I tried to bang out some pushups after that but um.. ended up on the floor.

I've decided that I need to change things up. I have to try to make the gym exciting again! It seems that I've just kind of gotten bored with the lifting schemes that I've been using, and considering the fact that I'm "coming back" to the gym, I have to do something different than what I was doing before. Considering that I've identified this as the case, I think it would be a great idea for me to plan ahead to be able to tackle this, as it will no doubt happen in the future.

My gym boycott has no doubt taken a toll on my strength, which I don't like one bit, but to some degree, I have to accept. That's fine. I'm accepting the fact that if I want to get my strength back to or surpass where it was, I'm going to have to amp up my training. In order to do this (and to keep things interesting) I'm going to change things up in my workouts by incorporating techniques such as pyramid sets, dropsets, GVT, 21's (for muscle groups other than biceps), and thinking a little outside the box in other ways. What's left for this week? Taking it one day at a time.

"Back on my Grind, RAWRRRR"

...was my answer when someone asked me "what are you doing up this early?"

Well, I'm getting there. Getting up at 4:30 this morning and shooting straight out of bed and into the kitchen was a major accomplishment, let me tell you. It's so funny that the saying "if you don't use it, you lose it" applies all across the board, even when it comes to physical energy. Yesterday I treated myself to some new workout gear for my new beginning and new goals... I bought a few qt outfits too, however I refused to buy anything in a larger size. I bought flowing summer skirts and boho type attire; you know, the kind that drapes and you can still buy in a smaller size than you should and look okay... The in between clothes, when you don't want to go to a bigger size, but you really should so you'll just suck it up and wear less form fitting clothes in the interim.

But that's alright, in a few weeks time, those clothes will fit like they're supposed to and I'll be back in best "ass jeans" like I was once before. :)

While I was on BB.com the other day, I was scoping around for pics of my favorite fitness ladies to set as a desktop background and screen saver. I've long been a devoted worshiper of Monica Brant and still love her to absolute death, but as her career focus has shifted and she's no longer all over the place, I need a new hero and some new pics to stare at to make me say RAWR I WANNA LIFT SOME HEAVY SHIT TODAY... He's my new fave, and current desktop background

Her physique is top notch and I just love her olive skin and exotic features. I don't know if she's mixed, but in my mind she is. She's my mulatto iron warrior hero and right now, nothing anybody says can change that.

So along with new pictures of hot chicks floating around, I've also joined the Nike+ nation... I got one of those wristband thingies... you know... those things. I'm going to start running again and to avoid injury, I'll need to monitor my distance. After my first knee sprain, I didn't run for some years and then decided to give it a go. My first run in like 2.5 years was great, I logged 4 miles and felt like I could go for more... Until the next day when that shin splint set in. I waited a couple days and set out again even though I wasn't fully healed, thus keeping up my stride by compensating with the other leg... BOOM fucked up the other leg too. It took forever to heal because I just couldn't sit my ass down.

This time I'm gonna do it right. I'm going to follow a gradual running schedule beginning with a run/walk for distance 1-2 days a week coupled and sprint and hill work 1-2 times a week as part of my cardio regimen. I'll also add some shin work on alternate days as part of my strength training. I'll still use the elliptical and stepmill and other equipment for cardio, but no treadmill. All running will be outdoors because well, it's just so much cooler. Not to mention the fact that I have a running buddy. :)

I'm still working on some mini-goals to keep me going along the way. I'll be sure to post those as they're decided upon....

Tata for now!

Accountability Anyone?

I'm trying to come up with new and inventive ways to stay accountable over the next 15 weeks. I've been taking pics of food and all that jazz, but that's just the same ol thing that everyone else does. What to do?!?!!? I've failed in the past at daily posts, I have a Bodybuilding.com profile that I NEVER use which would be great if I ever did..... Perhaps I will revisit it and leave links all over the place so that I don't forget?!?!?! It's really a great tool to keep up with stats and numbers and pics and all of the measuring tools to keep me...... ACCOUNTABLE....

I think I just talked myself through that one.

Anyway, I began posting a blog a couple of weeks ago about some of the changes that have occurred over the past few months. It's been quite a while since I've posted. SO long that even I am shocked. No bueno.... Well I moved from Boston to Tampa Florida... And not a moment toooooo late? Yes that's right. I should have been down here BEFORE I went psycho killer crazy with Patron and 2am post-bar fast food runs as my number one and two victims. Now instead of enjoying the summer of perpetual Florida sunshine pool and beach-side in any one of my 8 or 9 bikinis (that absolutely no way under the sun fit me), I'll get to spend the summer sweating my ass off in t-shirts and yoga pants busting my ass just to get back to where I was 6 months ago..... THEN I can begin to measure my "progress".

Don't get me wrong, I will certainly be measuring from here on out, but I won't consider it real progress until I surpass where I've reached before. I feel like Janet Jackson. I cant' get on board with this yo-yo shit. No sir.

Aside from physically feeling like a cow, emotionally, I'm amazing. I've got a new (old) beaux by my side who is probably the single most amazing man that I've ever met in my life. "Why?" you ask? Well because he is the carnation of myself, but with a y chromosome. Yes, that's right. Another Jennifer exists in the world. I used to always say that I expect to be single for the rest of my life. This is because of how much I LOVE myself. That's right, in all of my fucked up and psychotic glory, there's no one that I'd rather spend forever with then myself.... And I found it in another person. AWWWW

Enough of that.

Onward to preparing my BB blog. Will be back later.

WOW

Can't believe it's been so long since I last posted. As expected, 2011 has brought many new twists and turns that I can only describe as both frightening and exciting. Such a deviation from my lame day to day life has elicited some drastic emotional responses and rather thoughtless behaviors, thus bringing about further dramatic response. It's almost like everything is brand new and I have to learn everything all over again.

The same holds true for my goals. Considering my injury history, I've decided not to pursue competing as my primary goal. The stress of the training and my own stubbornness have proven to be an evil combination.

-This does NOT mean that I don't want to compete or will never do so-

It will just no longer be my primary goal. Instead, I will plan for mini-goals, each one focusing on the improvement on some particular area of physical shortcomings. Mostly relating to increasing strength and endurance WITHOUT injuring myself.... I will accomplish this by creating very precise plans toward such with a "plan B" (that doesn't involve taking 6 months off from the gym to booze it up and eat like a fat hoe in the interim).... Gosh.... 6 months.... Really? Did I really just do that?

I'm ashamed and my frigging clothes don't fit. That's what I get. I knew that would be the outcome..... But now here we are, getting back on the wagon. I'm in a new place, literally and figuratively, and I've got nothing to do but move forward.

Here's to new beginnings!

I WANT TO BE A BODYBUILDER

This video is the funniest thing ever. I've shown it to 3 non-fitness people instead of wasting my breath having the same conversation.

A Horrible Start.....

but I still expect a Grand Finale.

I began the year with new goals in sight and a plan to ramp up my motivation for things to come. After my second knee sprain which took place back in early November, I finished the year totally crushed and feeling a bit lost to say the least. I took some time to just chill for a while and not have to worry about the stresses of contest prep.

The beginning of the new year was a slow roll as far as getting back into the swing of things. A little gym here, a little yoga there, a little Sunday Session now and then. I can't help but think that part of this snail pace come from fear of injury. The first time I sprained my knee back in 08 left me afraid to go heavy on legs or run or do much of ANYTHING for 6 months or so, and I don't intend to have that happen again.

Well, whatdya know I hurt my knee this past Sunday. Not as bad as the first time, and a little worse than the second time. I'm 15 weeks from my intended show and while I prefer to be injured now rather than later, this time around I really wanted to extend my focus for a few weeks longer to ensure that my "road to the stage" was as smooth as possible. I can only be thankful that this didn't happen after I got back into the "zone".

So here I go again, trucking along, trying to achieve my goals and actualize my dreams; even as my body continues to betray me. I swear, I need to be learning from that asshole and stop trying to outsmart it. For those of you that talk carp when I talk about being old and "almost 30" you can SUCK IT! I AM old! Just look at what keeps happening! This mess wouldn't happen if I were 21. RAWR!

On New Years Day I got a new tattoo. I got an Ohm symbol on my left hand. I got this in that location because it is my non-dominant hand. It's meant to be a reminder that I have to stop trying to control everything and to be more conscious myself (and others) and my reactions to things. While I didn't intend for any great changes to happen overnight, it seems that I'm having a hard time getting into the habit of not trying to force things. I feel like this injury is yet again proof of that. For right now, all I can do is hope that I've learned from the past in that I need to take it one day at a time for now. I can't expect that after the break that I took from "the life" that I can just jump back in where I left off, which is frustrating!!! Nonetheless, I have to let it go. I have to let it go and begin again trying picking it back up.

RAWR

I don't want to post, and do you know why? Because I'd be posting about an epic fail. I didn't make my show.... But I'm okay with this.

Everybody talks about "the journey... the journey" and I'm like suck it, I want it over... but after going through it, the process was fucking fun. Granted, I didn't make show, but I still put the fucking work in. I still rode it out. I still did what I could.

I sit here now with more knowledge than I went in with, and a new frame of mind for all goals in the future. I know that there's no limit to how hard I can bust my ass because each day, I can push the limit further and further. I KNOW that I can be on the verge of death and STILL push harder, and I want to do it. I WANT to feel like I'm gonna die. I want to know that I'm doing all I can, and I WANT to be able to do more and more each time. It sucks that I won't compete, but I mean, am I really losing? I think not.

SO FUCK IT! I didn't compete. SO FUCKING WHAT! I'll still ride on. There's always another show.

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My SUPERWOMAN!!!

I've thought about posting a blog about this girl for a couple of months now and I guess put it off because I wanted to organize the words.... But every time I hear this song I think of her. And with the intro on this particular live version I will never hear this song without her in mind.



What amazes me about people is just how different we all are. In this life where you meet so many people and you're expected to form some sort of menial relationship with them all, it's often hard to wean out the good jelly beans from the bad. I've never met anyone in my life like this girl!



We met while tending bar together in a shit bar in GA, and I can't even mention some of the trouble we've gotten into together. She's been there for some of the greatest highs of my life as well as some of the deepest depressions and has always been the same reliable HONEST chick. I can always count on her to tell me the truth, and to lie to me when she KNOWS I need to be lied to. I've never known anyone in my life that has been soooooo loyal to our friendship and to me, and one could only hope to know a gal like this in all their days on Earth.

My gosh Lisa, I think back and I can't believe that I've only known you for something like 6 years. It totally feels like we shared space in the nursery as newborns!!!!

I love you so much and I'm so glad that my life has been enhanced by knowing you. It really is such a gift, and to bring this full circle to some degree, just know that I will never take you for granted.

PS I tried to post the pic where you sneak kissed me at the moose but for some reason the photo link isn't here....

"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."
– Pablo Picasso

19 days out!!!

I was on the stepmill this morning and as I zoned out to forget about the burning in my legs, I started thinking about this journey. I thought back to my very first time on the stepmill and how I couldn't make it past 15 minutes at like level 4 and here I was doing 45 mins up to level 12. When I began this road to compete (beit a whole year ago) I don't think it ever really sunk in that I would become more fit. I wasn't aware that I would be crashing through personal barriers one day at a time and pushing myself through some of the toughest mental struggles I've faced to date (and I've had plenty). All I had in mind was being on stage in a bikini and I assumed that I would be terrified and unprepared. Competing is something that I've wanted to do for so many years, but it's always been something that I've believed was so far away from me and something that I'd likely not experience.

Well now here I am 19 days out from my very first competition. With all of the emotions that I'm feeling right now and the fear and anxiety of not making it, I know that I will. It's taken a while but I've finally gotten to the place where I believe that this is real, and I'm gonna do it because it's in me. I put on my suit and heels yesterday and for the first time ever, I was so comfortable in it I felt like I could just stroll around the house all day in it. For the first time I felt like it belonged on my body.

I look at myself in the mirror and I'm amazed at what I'm looking at, and in 19 days I will no longer have to look at pictures of other people for motivation because I'll have my OWN pictures to motivate me. Once I'm on and off that stage, watch out. All I need to do is get the "First time jitters" out of the way and then it's on like DONKEY KONG.

That stage is mine and I'm gonna frigging rock it like nobody's business.... And then I'm probably gonna cry like a baby in the arms of anyone that hugs me. lol

Losing it!!!

At this point, I've kind of lost myself. I don't remember how far out I am, something like 4 weeks, 3 weeks almost? I'm kind of just trucking along quietly, trying to keep from asking myself WHY I'm doing this to begin with because well, asking myself that question right now just may thwart my October 23rd goal.

So far, outside of gym and diet activities, I have my suit and shoes, I booked my makeup appt, I know what I'm doing with my hair, I just have to schedule to get my nails done, body hair removal (yikes) and try out tanning products. OH and most importantly, nail my posing and my walk.

I can't help but feel like I need to also re-motivate myself. I feel like every little thing is distracting me, not because it's ACTUALLY a distraction, but because I think I'm searching for an excuse not to do this show. I really don't want this to happen, so I think I'm going to have to make a real concerted effort to keep it at bay. After the shit that has consumed my life for the past few years, I can tolerate ANYTHING for 3 weeks, and that's what I'm just going to have to tell myself everyday.

But for now, I need to update my playlist with even harder jams than last week... I totally need a boost.

GANGSTA Playlist

I took all of my favorites from the past 6-8 months or so and tossed them into this pot. I added a couple of new things but not much. In the past I had been dividing playlists by lifting, SS cardio, and high intensity, but after just throwing it all together I think I'm happy with what I got. I have to say, I've really enjoyed myself in the gym these past few days. lol I guess it's kind of hard looking back at it, but I love it. These songs are in no particular order either. I usually pick a song to start with, then hit shuffle for the rest.

Enjoy!

Deftones- Rocket Skates
Nine Inch Nails - Heresy
Lincoln Park- Bleed it Out
Prodigy- Mindfields
The Immortals- Mortal Kombat Theme
Korn- Coming Undone
Metallica- Die Die My Darling
Danzig- Belly of The Beast
Young Geezy- Go Getta
Nine Inch Nails - Deep
Eminem w/ Pink- Won't Back Down
White Zombie- More Human Than Human
VNV Nation- Interceptor
Korn- Twisted Transistor
Gilbere Forte- Black Chukkas
Prodigy- Smack My bitch up (oldie but goodie)
50 Cent- Get Up
Slipknot- New Abortion
Korn- Oildale (leave me alone)
Godsmack- Keep Away
David ?Guetta- Gettin over
Social Distortion- Reach For the Sky
Eminem- Almost Famous
White Zombie- Creature at the Wheel
Slipknot- Psychosocial
Prodigy- Firestarter
Metallica- Fuel
Nine Inch Nails- We're in the Together
Slipknot- Spit it out
Nine Inch Nails- Sin (from Halo 17)
Godsmack- Straight out of Line
TI- Swagga Like Us
Three 6 mafia- Stay Fly
New ORder- Confusion
VNV Nation- Joy
Young Jeezy- Who dat
Ozzy Osbourne- Let me HEar you Scream
Deftones- Diamond Eyes

Not Giving Up Now

So now I'm about 6 weeks out from my show, and basically it's now or never. I think I've successfully used up every excuse in the book in order to procrastinate just a bit before really buckling down and getting this done. I no longer have room for error. Now, this might scare me, but considering the fact that I've just always been the type of person that holds off until the last minute before really pushing through, I'm more excited about the next 6 weeks (5.5ish?) than I was when I decided that I wanted to compete.

Yes that's right, I'm a procrastinator. But that's not because I'm lazy, but rather I just can't move at a slow steady pace. I have to bang things out in one fell swoop, which has basically been the way I've approached this competition business. I've noticed as I've mentioned before that I'll totally bust ass for a good 4-5 weeks and make great progress, then cool off for a few days or so before pushing again. This is probably the most risky thing that I could do, but you know what? I'm determined to bang out the next 6 weeks with NOFEAR and plenty of psychotic obsession over what I'm eating, how I'm resting, and what I'm doing in the gym.

My power song for this? oh keep reading. It's not Godsmack, but it certainly makes me optimistic about my commitment to the next 6 weeks. It's called "We're Not Giving Up Now"


So I'm back in the gym @ 5am M-F, and doing other random psychotic classes on the weekends such as Sunday Session, spin, and Level as best as I can tolerate while staving off injuries. I'm just going to have to take this 1 day at a time, moment by moment, pushing myself like it's my only day to work that hard. Then get right back up the next day and do it again.

Alone Time: The Elusive Dream

It seems like I'm never allotted enough time to just sit on my ass and just be. I love being alone in such a way that allows me just enough time to clear my head. I love the feeling of having scratched everything off of my to do list and just being able to just BLAHHHHHHHHH! This feeling is right on the tip of my tongue and I just can't wait!

I've spent the past 4 days cleaning the house from top to bottom, doing every ounce of laundry, putting checks in the mail, 4-5 doctors appointments for me and Jacob, various meetings, trips, scheduling, and other menial tasks for the chance to just sit on my ass tomorrow and not have these things looming in the back of my head. These things pull at my brain stem and keep me from being able to let go and I'm over it! I've been such a high strung wreck lately and I'M HAVING NONE OF IT TOMORROW! RAWRRRR

It just feels so good to be able to take a breath when you need it. Man am I glad that I don't own any weapons, because this chance doesn't roll around too often.

I'm gonna treat myself to a mani-pedi, maybe a walk around town with my lover, Frank (my ipod) before I head home it sit around the house burning a self made oil blend while enjoying one of the 5 books that I'm currently reading. I want my BIGGEST dilemma tomorrow to be "should I make this a Mingus and Davis evening, or a Krishna Das and Dead Can Dance one?"

Tendonitis

"Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn't ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you're not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control" -Henry Rollins

Well. I guess I got schooled.

Anybody Have a Shovel?

I need to do some digging.

I'm something like 9 weeks out and feel like I need a little boost! This past week wasn't the best for me for one reason or another, but I'm determined to make this week so much better. It seems that I follow a little pattern of behavior when it comes to "pushing it" in the gym. I go hard for 4-5 weeks, then I slack. Like I need a break or need to reset. I haven't yet figured out what's up with this or how to get past it completely, but I have some theories and I'm all about testing them out.

I think that just as workouts and diets have to be changed up and switched around in order to achieve results, so must one's motivation. The progress that I achieved over the past 6 weeks (which was a 5 pound weight loss) had nothing to do with my goal of competing in October. It was because I made a bet with someone that I could lose that amount of weight before he would hit his weight loss goal in the same time period. Believe me when I say that I busted my ass to get there. Managed to fark around and get shin splints in the meantime, and even with that injury as a potential excuse, I pushed ahead anyway and met my goal.

Now what?

Well I still have my competition goal date of October 23rd. I'm also doing Warrior Dash in September. But what is it that will afford me the same determination as when I made that bet? Perhaps I need another specific goal as I had before? Or someone to make me accountable? Pffffft wait what? I HAVE a specific goal. and I HAVE people to be accountable to. But What is gonna make me get out of bed every morning with the same fierce energy and desire as the weeks past?

I ask these questions of myself and I think of this song "Cryin Like a Bitch" By Godsmack. You can find the video below and I encourage you to actually check it out. Besides the fact that having the ever-sexy Sully Erna scream at you that you're crying like a bitch, I find these specific parts of the song to be particularly motivating in a somewhat nagging and demeaning manner:

"I'm tougher than nails.
I can promise you that.
Step out of line
And you get bitch-slapped back.
And you can run
Your little mouth all day,
But the hand of God
Just smacked you back into yesterday

Blinded by
Your sacred faded past times
Only time is your enemy.
Granted a second chance
To prove that your arrogance
Is stronger than you'll ever be.
It's stronger than you can be"

Kind of makes you want to be like "IT IS NOT! I'LL SHOW YOU!!" Aside from that, watching these UFC guys train and fight in the video just makes me want to drop and bust out 100 pushups. The energy in this video is just amazing.



With all of that being said, I need to get my shit together. I need a very specific motivator by the end of the day; one that will actually work. Anybody wanna place any bets, I'm down. In the meantime, I need to compile some new tunes to get me going in the gym, since I'll be flying solo next week. :(

A Little Excitement Never Hurt Anybody..........

I certainly can't survive without it! I've had the best summer and nothing particularly marked has even occurred that would cause someone (who wasn't me) to say "oh hey that's really cool". I've had a lot to be excited about but I think that what I've been most impressed with are my relationships with people. I've met some truly AMAZING people this year, and have taken the time to get reacquainted with old friends and I have to say that each and every one of them has enhanced my life in a magnanimous way! I'm really happy ot know such good people.

Enough of that.

So as of right now I'm planning to do the NPC New Englands in Boston in October, and while I plan to go to Vegas in November, I'm a little unsure as to whether or not I want to compete there. Part of me wants to go to experience VEgas because well, I've never been. I won't be able to do that during my time there if I compete unless I stay longer, which isn't really possible in November. We'll see how it goes.

I've also vowed to be better at blogging.. YA know, doing it more frequently, and actually making good posts. lol I just haven't allocated the necessary time to that sort of thing. I'll get on it... My next post will be AMAZINGGGG!!! LOL

New Playlist!!!

After toying around for months trying to find the perfect heavy playlist, I think I've got a good thing here. Every song on this playlist TOTALLY wakes me the hell up and makes my workout a really great one..

Metallica- Fuel
STP- Unglued
Slipknot- Psychosocial
White Zombie- More Human Than Human
White Zombie- Creature of the Wheel
Slipknot- Spit it Out
Slipknot- New Abortion
Metallica- Die Die My Darling
Danzing- Belly of the Beast
Manson- Beautiful People
Static X- Cold
Disturbed- Down withe the sickness
Ministry- Jesus Built My Hotrod
Godsmack- Cryin Like aBitch
NIN- March of the Pigs
Tool- Stinkfist
SOAD- IEAIAIO

Hello mojo.....

Just wanted to post because well, I haven't posted in a while and I intend to get back to it. I don't know if my last post was before or after I had pneumonia, but that would be just another thing to add to that list.... After being sidelined for 2 weeks with that, I'm back in the gym. Last week I was spent basically trying to get my appetite back and try to work up my lungs for cardio. This week is all about pushing myself to no end in the gym and getting my diet back on track. I feel like I have to re-teach myself how to get all these meals in. Being sick really put a damper on my mood and esteem reaching a pinnacle as the end of last week. I decided that I needed to shut my head off and take a break, where a vacation isn't possible. So I did. I had a fantastic weekend and it's rolled right into an already spectacular Monday morning. I killed it in the gym, I'm mowing on meal 2 as I type, and I plan to spend the day "getting my house in order" literally and figuratively. I'm done fucking around. I know that I have to power through this week with the motivation that I feel, and prepare myself to ride that wave for the next 13 weeks. Mojo has returned....