All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience."

— Henry Miller, Author

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Alone Time: The Elusive Dream

It seems like I'm never allotted enough time to just sit on my ass and just be. I love being alone in such a way that allows me just enough time to clear my head. I love the feeling of having scratched everything off of my to do list and just being able to just BLAHHHHHHHHH! This feeling is right on the tip of my tongue and I just can't wait!

I've spent the past 4 days cleaning the house from top to bottom, doing every ounce of laundry, putting checks in the mail, 4-5 doctors appointments for me and Jacob, various meetings, trips, scheduling, and other menial tasks for the chance to just sit on my ass tomorrow and not have these things looming in the back of my head. These things pull at my brain stem and keep me from being able to let go and I'm over it! I've been such a high strung wreck lately and I'M HAVING NONE OF IT TOMORROW! RAWRRRR

It just feels so good to be able to take a breath when you need it. Man am I glad that I don't own any weapons, because this chance doesn't roll around too often.

I'm gonna treat myself to a mani-pedi, maybe a walk around town with my lover, Frank (my ipod) before I head home it sit around the house burning a self made oil blend while enjoying one of the 5 books that I'm currently reading. I want my BIGGEST dilemma tomorrow to be "should I make this a Mingus and Davis evening, or a Krishna Das and Dead Can Dance one?"

Monday, August 23, 2010


"Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn't ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you're not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control" -Henry Rollins

Well. I guess I got schooled.

Anybody Have a Shovel?

I need to do some digging.

I'm something like 9 weeks out and feel like I need a little boost! This past week wasn't the best for me for one reason or another, but I'm determined to make this week so much better. It seems that I follow a little pattern of behavior when it comes to "pushing it" in the gym. I go hard for 4-5 weeks, then I slack. Like I need a break or need to reset. I haven't yet figured out what's up with this or how to get past it completely, but I have some theories and I'm all about testing them out.

I think that just as workouts and diets have to be changed up and switched around in order to achieve results, so must one's motivation. The progress that I achieved over the past 6 weeks (which was a 5 pound weight loss) had nothing to do with my goal of competing in October. It was because I made a bet with someone that I could lose that amount of weight before he would hit his weight loss goal in the same time period. Believe me when I say that I busted my ass to get there. Managed to fark around and get shin splints in the meantime, and even with that injury as a potential excuse, I pushed ahead anyway and met my goal.

Now what?

Well I still have my competition goal date of October 23rd. I'm also doing Warrior Dash in September. But what is it that will afford me the same determination as when I made that bet? Perhaps I need another specific goal as I had before? Or someone to make me accountable? Pffffft wait what? I HAVE a specific goal. and I HAVE people to be accountable to. But What is gonna make me get out of bed every morning with the same fierce energy and desire as the weeks past?

I ask these questions of myself and I think of this song "Cryin Like a Bitch" By Godsmack. You can find the video below and I encourage you to actually check it out. Besides the fact that having the ever-sexy Sully Erna scream at you that you're crying like a bitch, I find these specific parts of the song to be particularly motivating in a somewhat nagging and demeaning manner:

"I'm tougher than nails.
I can promise you that.
Step out of line
And you get bitch-slapped back.
And you can run
Your little mouth all day,
But the hand of God
Just smacked you back into yesterday

Blinded by
Your sacred faded past times
Only time is your enemy.
Granted a second chance
To prove that your arrogance
Is stronger than you'll ever be.
It's stronger than you can be"

Kind of makes you want to be like "IT IS NOT! I'LL SHOW YOU!!" Aside from that, watching these UFC guys train and fight in the video just makes me want to drop and bust out 100 pushups. The energy in this video is just amazing.

With all of that being said, I need to get my shit together. I need a very specific motivator by the end of the day; one that will actually work. Anybody wanna place any bets, I'm down. In the meantime, I need to compile some new tunes to get me going in the gym, since I'll be flying solo next week. :(

Monday, August 2, 2010

A Little Excitement Never Hurt Anybody..........

I certainly can't survive without it! I've had the best summer and nothing particularly marked has even occurred that would cause someone (who wasn't me) to say "oh hey that's really cool". I've had a lot to be excited about but I think that what I've been most impressed with are my relationships with people. I've met some truly AMAZING people this year, and have taken the time to get reacquainted with old friends and I have to say that each and every one of them has enhanced my life in a magnanimous way! I'm really happy ot know such good people.

Enough of that.

So as of right now I'm planning to do the NPC New Englands in Boston in October, and while I plan to go to Vegas in November, I'm a little unsure as to whether or not I want to compete there. Part of me wants to go to experience VEgas because well, I've never been. I won't be able to do that during my time there if I compete unless I stay longer, which isn't really possible in November. We'll see how it goes.

I've also vowed to be better at blogging.. YA know, doing it more frequently, and actually making good posts. lol I just haven't allocated the necessary time to that sort of thing. I'll get on it... My next post will be AMAZINGGGG!!! LOL