All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience."

— Henry Miller, Author

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Looking ahead

Thinking about what lies ahead of me in December on makes me very excited. I'm walking into it 10 pounds lighter, physically stronger, existentially content, and ready to tackle the next few months with full force.

When I first started this journey, part of me looked at it as "getting back to where I used to be", but as I progress I'm learning that I'm taking myself to such a different place. Thinking back on it now, it is totally wrong for me to try to go where I've already been. What the hell kind of shit is that? There's nothing new where I've been. Nothing forgotten that I need to go back and grab. All I need is my face forward and my feet on the ground, and THAT is not something to be found in the past.

December marks what is to me the closing in on my goals. The next few months will be non-stop action on many planes. I'm studying for my nursing boards as well as my CPT. There's Christmas and New Years, Girls Weekend in NY and Camp Savage in Jan. Actually TAKING my boards and CPT in Feb, as well as fulfilling other travel obligations. BIRTHDAYS GALORE in March (including mine, my son's, my mother's, my brother's) Then April marks showtime! There's apparently an NPC show in April as well which will push my goal date up by 3 weeks in order to make it there. These next 5 months are gonna fly by and I can't wait to get crackin'. I'm hoping that all of these things keep me busy enough over the course of time that I don't focus so much on my end goal, but rather have a focused awareness on everything that I'm doing to get there.

I've pushed the distractions and the negativity to the side, and have cleared the road in order to find my path to success. I'll bring stories of the latest and greatest as they develop.....

highlights from Thanksgiving......

Sweet Moses what a horrible day!

Life really sucks when PMS falls on a holiday. A holiday that you didn't want to parttake in, but got bamboozled into HOSTING. A holiday that was dropped in your lap with the expectation of pulling it all together.

Okay, long story short I ran my sister off because after she showed up to my house 3-4 hours late (leaving me to do 3-4 hours of cooking alone...... did I mention that I wanted no part in Thanksgiving) camping out on my couch trying to take a nap @ noon and continue to leave me alone in the production of this feast. Came into my kitchen grabbing at food, leaving banana peels and other food garbage on my coffee table. The coffee table that I had just cleaned because these people (my family) were coming over. I'm sorry, what? This is not the Holiday Inn, and my big comfy couch is not your nap-ground.

She finally got sick of my bitching and left, which made for a more quiet evening.

Thanksgiving FOOD!

As I said, I didn't want to participate this year, but I did. This year I had to make regular nasty food for my mother and those that wanted "traditional" artery clogging trough-worthy slop, and hearty, healthy, renditions of said classics for myself. As I posted on facebook "my sister scoffed at my oatmeal and cranberry stuffing and I told her 'that's why my ass is shrinking and yours is expanding'".

I made a regular pumpkin pie, and a heathier version made with fresh pumpkin, greek yogurt, and fat free sugar free vanilla pudding. When it came time for dessert we all tried both pies. My ADORABLE little clone of a son says "um Mommy, I don't like the regular one. Can I have another piece of the healthy one?"

He ate 3 pieces and I TOTALLY let him. Kudos to him for being able to stomach greek yogurt at age 7 because as an adult, I cringe when I eat it.

Thanksgiving was no match for me. Christmas dinner better watch out.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


I know its really wrong, but some days I walk past patients and I just want to punch them in the face.

Hi, my name is Jennifer and I'm here to help you. STOP FUCKING TREATING ME LIKE SHIT.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


I've spotted a trouble area that I have to figure a way through this month; one week before my period I don't feel like going to the gym. I just don't I missed 2 days in October for this reason. I thought I had prepared myself for this, but I guess not. I don't know what to do! But I'll see if I can figure somethign out before that time comes around again.

In other news, I'm so psyched for this month.One of my friends joined the Hot for the Holidays program so we're acting as each other support during the day at work, which is great. She kept me from diving face first into a bowl of mini snickers yesterday, though I did enjoy just one. I really want to stay on point with my nutrition this month since last month wasn't the best. My food choices weren't bad, but I had trouble eating enough and eating on time. Yesterday was great, so if that's any indicator of the rest of the month, I think I'm in good shape.

Speaking of shape, I'm shaping up nicely. I've made the most progress on my upper body, which is great as it probably needed the most work. My back has gotten significantly stronger (won't be long before I can finally do a friggin pullup) as well as my bi's tri's and shoulders. This month I plan to focus extra on my 'trunk', that is my back chest and abs.

I'm beginning to really see that what has kept me from my goals is nothing more than myself. I thought that my body was getting old and wasn't responding as quickly as it once did to exercise. NOPE, wrong. I was just fucking lazy. Now that my nutrition and training are consistent, I'm noticing gains that are happening as quickly as they ever did. Oh, and as far cardiovascular goes, 3 months ago, my heart rate would hit 95% like nothing. Now, I have to work my ass off to even get it to 85%. This is another goal for the month: stepping up my cardio and making sure to hit my high intensity days. Part of this plan includes QUITTING SMOKING!

Yes, I smoke. In partial defense, I have cut down in the past months, I smoke about 4-5 cigarettes a day, primarily at work. I'm going to start wearing the patch at work to get me through all those cravings I have after being in that stressful place. I don't want to smoke and I'm ready to actively pursue quitting.

Sooooo big things this month. Very exciting. I'll try to post more frequently.

NPC New England

I was fortunate enough to attend the NPC New England Championships on Halloween. I took the day off 6 weeks in advance to make sure that I wouldn't miss it. I'm SOOO glad I didn't! It was my first (live) show and holy hell did it rock! My mother and my boyfriend went with me, neither of whom really wanted to. I had to give my mother a talking to as she continually made negative comments prior to the start of the show. She quite vocally expressed her disdain for the the physique of female bodybuilders and even some of the the other far less muscular competitors. I had to keep telling her to shutup etc etc which didn't work so well. Then I finally had to say to her "Look, the shit you're saying is pretty offensive. It's the same thing as someone saying that your relationship with Daddy is 'disgusting'. (they're an interracial couple) You don't have to do what they do, but just because it doesn't interest you doesn't make it disgusting." After this she shut her filthy mouth (lol) and when she DID comment, she was singing a different tune.

When the show started and the male bodybuilders came out she began to enjoy herself. By the end of the show, she commented that she could see me competing in figure, which means the day was a win overall. But um, the show was everything I hoped it would be (in person that is). I have to say, I felt like I belonged there. I'm so excited for all of the "Savage wins" and it makes me even more proud to be part of such an amazing team.

Short and sweet.