All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience."

— Henry Miller, Author

Sunday, October 17, 2010


I've thought about posting a blog about this girl for a couple of months now and I guess put it off because I wanted to organize the words.... But every time I hear this song I think of her. And with the intro on this particular live version I will never hear this song without her in mind.

What amazes me about people is just how different we all are. In this life where you meet so many people and you're expected to form some sort of menial relationship with them all, it's often hard to wean out the good jelly beans from the bad. I've never met anyone in my life like this girl!

We met while tending bar together in a shit bar in GA, and I can't even mention some of the trouble we've gotten into together. She's been there for some of the greatest highs of my life as well as some of the deepest depressions and has always been the same reliable HONEST chick. I can always count on her to tell me the truth, and to lie to me when she KNOWS I need to be lied to. I've never known anyone in my life that has been soooooo loyal to our friendship and to me, and one could only hope to know a gal like this in all their days on Earth.

My gosh Lisa, I think back and I can't believe that I've only known you for something like 6 years. It totally feels like we shared space in the nursery as newborns!!!!

I love you so much and I'm so glad that my life has been enhanced by knowing you. It really is such a gift, and to bring this full circle to some degree, just know that I will never take you for granted.

PS I tried to post the pic where you sneak kissed me at the moose but for some reason the photo link isn't here....

Monday, October 4, 2010

"I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."
– Pablo Picasso

19 days out!!!

I was on the stepmill this morning and as I zoned out to forget about the burning in my legs, I started thinking about this journey. I thought back to my very first time on the stepmill and how I couldn't make it past 15 minutes at like level 4 and here I was doing 45 mins up to level 12. When I began this road to compete (beit a whole year ago) I don't think it ever really sunk in that I would become more fit. I wasn't aware that I would be crashing through personal barriers one day at a time and pushing myself through some of the toughest mental struggles I've faced to date (and I've had plenty). All I had in mind was being on stage in a bikini and I assumed that I would be terrified and unprepared. Competing is something that I've wanted to do for so many years, but it's always been something that I've believed was so far away from me and something that I'd likely not experience.

Well now here I am 19 days out from my very first competition. With all of the emotions that I'm feeling right now and the fear and anxiety of not making it, I know that I will. It's taken a while but I've finally gotten to the place where I believe that this is real, and I'm gonna do it because it's in me. I put on my suit and heels yesterday and for the first time ever, I was so comfortable in it I felt like I could just stroll around the house all day in it. For the first time I felt like it belonged on my body.

I look at myself in the mirror and I'm amazed at what I'm looking at, and in 19 days I will no longer have to look at pictures of other people for motivation because I'll have my OWN pictures to motivate me. Once I'm on and off that stage, watch out. All I need to do is get the "First time jitters" out of the way and then it's on like DONKEY KONG.

That stage is mine and I'm gonna frigging rock it like nobody's business.... And then I'm probably gonna cry like a baby in the arms of anyone that hugs me. lol