All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience."

— Henry Miller, Author

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Losing it!!!

At this point, I've kind of lost myself. I don't remember how far out I am, something like 4 weeks, 3 weeks almost? I'm kind of just trucking along quietly, trying to keep from asking myself WHY I'm doing this to begin with because well, asking myself that question right now just may thwart my October 23rd goal.

So far, outside of gym and diet activities, I have my suit and shoes, I booked my makeup appt, I know what I'm doing with my hair, I just have to schedule to get my nails done, body hair removal (yikes) and try out tanning products. OH and most importantly, nail my posing and my walk.

I can't help but feel like I need to also re-motivate myself. I feel like every little thing is distracting me, not because it's ACTUALLY a distraction, but because I think I'm searching for an excuse not to do this show. I really don't want this to happen, so I think I'm going to have to make a real concerted effort to keep it at bay. After the shit that has consumed my life for the past few years, I can tolerate ANYTHING for 3 weeks, and that's what I'm just going to have to tell myself everyday.

But for now, I need to update my playlist with even harder jams than last week... I totally need a boost.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

GANGSTA Playlist

I took all of my favorites from the past 6-8 months or so and tossed them into this pot. I added a couple of new things but not much. In the past I had been dividing playlists by lifting, SS cardio, and high intensity, but after just throwing it all together I think I'm happy with what I got. I have to say, I've really enjoyed myself in the gym these past few days. lol I guess it's kind of hard looking back at it, but I love it. These songs are in no particular order either. I usually pick a song to start with, then hit shuffle for the rest.


Deftones- Rocket Skates
Nine Inch Nails - Heresy
Lincoln Park- Bleed it Out
Prodigy- Mindfields
The Immortals- Mortal Kombat Theme
Korn- Coming Undone
Metallica- Die Die My Darling
Danzig- Belly of The Beast
Young Geezy- Go Getta
Nine Inch Nails - Deep
Eminem w/ Pink- Won't Back Down
White Zombie- More Human Than Human
VNV Nation- Interceptor
Korn- Twisted Transistor
Gilbere Forte- Black Chukkas
Prodigy- Smack My bitch up (oldie but goodie)
50 Cent- Get Up
Slipknot- New Abortion
Korn- Oildale (leave me alone)
Godsmack- Keep Away
David ?Guetta- Gettin over
Social Distortion- Reach For the Sky
Eminem- Almost Famous
White Zombie- Creature at the Wheel
Slipknot- Psychosocial
Prodigy- Firestarter
Metallica- Fuel
Nine Inch Nails- We're in the Together
Slipknot- Spit it out
Nine Inch Nails- Sin (from Halo 17)
Godsmack- Straight out of Line
TI- Swagga Like Us
Three 6 mafia- Stay Fly
New ORder- Confusion
VNV Nation- Joy
Young Jeezy- Who dat
Ozzy Osbourne- Let me HEar you Scream
Deftones- Diamond Eyes

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Not Giving Up Now

So now I'm about 6 weeks out from my show, and basically it's now or never. I think I've successfully used up every excuse in the book in order to procrastinate just a bit before really buckling down and getting this done. I no longer have room for error. Now, this might scare me, but considering the fact that I've just always been the type of person that holds off until the last minute before really pushing through, I'm more excited about the next 6 weeks (5.5ish?) than I was when I decided that I wanted to compete.

Yes that's right, I'm a procrastinator. But that's not because I'm lazy, but rather I just can't move at a slow steady pace. I have to bang things out in one fell swoop, which has basically been the way I've approached this competition business. I've noticed as I've mentioned before that I'll totally bust ass for a good 4-5 weeks and make great progress, then cool off for a few days or so before pushing again. This is probably the most risky thing that I could do, but you know what? I'm determined to bang out the next 6 weeks with NOFEAR and plenty of psychotic obsession over what I'm eating, how I'm resting, and what I'm doing in the gym.

My power song for this? oh keep reading. It's not Godsmack, but it certainly makes me optimistic about my commitment to the next 6 weeks. It's called "We're Not Giving Up Now"

So I'm back in the gym @ 5am M-F, and doing other random psychotic classes on the weekends such as Sunday Session, spin, and Level as best as I can tolerate while staving off injuries. I'm just going to have to take this 1 day at a time, moment by moment, pushing myself like it's my only day to work that hard. Then get right back up the next day and do it again.