I was on the stepmill this morning and as I zoned out to forget about the burning in my legs, I started thinking about this journey. I thought back to my very first time on the stepmill and how I couldn't make it past 15 minutes at like level 4 and here I was doing 45 mins up to level 12. When I began this road to compete (beit a whole year ago) I don't think it ever really sunk in that I would become more fit. I wasn't aware that I would be crashing through personal barriers one day at a time and pushing myself through some of the toughest mental struggles I've faced to date (and I've had plenty). All I had in mind was being on stage in a bikini and I assumed that I would be terrified and unprepared. Competing is something that I've wanted to do for so many years, but it's always been something that I've believed was so far away from me and something that I'd likely not experience.
Well now here I am 19 days out from my very first competition. With all of the emotions that I'm feeling right now and the fear and anxiety of not making it, I know that I will. It's taken a while but I've finally gotten to the place where I believe that this is real, and I'm gonna do it because it's in me. I put on my suit and heels yesterday and for the first time ever, I was so comfortable in it I felt like I could just stroll around the house all day in it. For the first time I felt like it belonged on my body.
I look at myself in the mirror and I'm amazed at what I'm looking at, and in 19 days I will no longer have to look at pictures of other people for motivation because I'll have my OWN pictures to motivate me. Once I'm on and off that stage, watch out. All I need to do is get the "First time jitters" out of the way and then it's on like DONKEY KONG.
That stage is mine and I'm gonna frigging rock it like nobody's business.... And then I'm probably gonna cry like a baby in the arms of anyone that hugs me. lol