All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience."

— Henry Miller, Author

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Horrible Start.....

but I still expect a Grand Finale.

I began the year with new goals in sight and a plan to ramp up my motivation for things to come. After my second knee sprain which took place back in early November, I finished the year totally crushed and feeling a bit lost to say the least. I took some time to just chill for a while and not have to worry about the stresses of contest prep.

The beginning of the new year was a slow roll as far as getting back into the swing of things. A little gym here, a little yoga there, a little Sunday Session now and then. I can't help but think that part of this snail pace come from fear of injury. The first time I sprained my knee back in 08 left me afraid to go heavy on legs or run or do much of ANYTHING for 6 months or so, and I don't intend to have that happen again.

Well, whatdya know I hurt my knee this past Sunday. Not as bad as the first time, and a little worse than the second time. I'm 15 weeks from my intended show and while I prefer to be injured now rather than later, this time around I really wanted to extend my focus for a few weeks longer to ensure that my "road to the stage" was as smooth as possible. I can only be thankful that this didn't happen after I got back into the "zone".

So here I go again, trucking along, trying to achieve my goals and actualize my dreams; even as my body continues to betray me. I swear, I need to be learning from that asshole and stop trying to outsmart it. For those of you that talk carp when I talk about being old and "almost 30" you can SUCK IT! I AM old! Just look at what keeps happening! This mess wouldn't happen if I were 21. RAWR!

On New Years Day I got a new tattoo. I got an Ohm symbol on my left hand. I got this in that location because it is my non-dominant hand. It's meant to be a reminder that I have to stop trying to control everything and to be more conscious myself (and others) and my reactions to things. While I didn't intend for any great changes to happen overnight, it seems that I'm having a hard time getting into the habit of not trying to force things. I feel like this injury is yet again proof of that. For right now, all I can do is hope that I've learned from the past in that I need to take it one day at a time for now. I can't expect that after the break that I took from "the life" that I can just jump back in where I left off, which is frustrating!!! Nonetheless, I have to let it go. I have to let it go and begin again trying picking it back up.

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