I was on the stepmill this morning and as I zoned out to forget about the burning in my legs, I started thinking about this journey. I thought back to my very first time on the stepmill and how I couldn't make it past 15 minutes at like level 4 and here I was doing 45 mins up to level 12. When I began this road to compete (beit a whole year ago) I don't think it ever really sunk in that I would become more fit. I wasn't aware that I would be crashing through personal barriers one day at a time and pushing myself through some of the toughest mental struggles I've faced to date (and I've had plenty). All I had in mind was being on stage in a bikini and I assumed that I would be terrified and unprepared. Competing is something that I've wanted to do for so many years, but it's always been something that I've believed was so far away from me and something that I'd likely not experience.
Well now here I am 19 days out from my very first competition. With all of the emotions that I'm feeling right now and the fear and anxiety of not making it, I know that I will. It's taken a while but I've finally gotten to the place where I believe that this is real, and I'm gonna do it because it's in me. I put on my suit and heels yesterday and for the first time ever, I was so comfortable in it I felt like I could just stroll around the house all day in it. For the first time I felt like it belonged on my body.
I look at myself in the mirror and I'm amazed at what I'm looking at, and in 19 days I will no longer have to look at pictures of other people for motivation because I'll have my OWN pictures to motivate me. Once I'm on and off that stage, watch out. All I need to do is get the "First time jitters" out of the way and then it's on like DONKEY KONG.
That stage is mine and I'm gonna frigging rock it like nobody's business.... And then I'm probably gonna cry like a baby in the arms of anyone that hugs me. lol
Jenn!! Now granted I'm starting to cry almost everyday now and beginning to wonder if this is what I should just start to expect for the next 19 days? lol....no, but for real, thank you for sharing this...you really touched me. You should just be so proud of yourself Jenn. I just love your energy and your way...you made me cry and then laugh out loud! And you are fierce girl...you emit a kind of strength that is contagious. It is a pleasure getting to know you, and also getting to be along for part of your journey. Oh, and I just can't wait to rock it out with you October 23rd!!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteJen! I'd like to tell you how big of a fan I am of yours. Even though we didn't get to know each other so much in person, you are a great inspiration to me ! Your funny comments on fb such as being up at 4am about to barf at your spinning instructor gets me rolling and makes my day.
ReplyDeleteI tried to make a competition happen this year,but I did not make it through. I definitely hope to make 2011 happen! I hope to have you next to me. I just don't know if the stage will be able to handle so many curls..lol
Love it! Love it! Love it! This is exactly how I felt while preparing for my first triathlon-"crashing through personal barriers", "pushing myself through...the toughest mental struggles"--THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKIN' BOUT' WOMAN!! THE WORLD IS YOURS--YOU CAN DO ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING!!!
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